C-bus Hero

ok, some background info. i'm 21 and i've never had a gf, never hooked up with a girl, and i don't get girls telling me i'm attractive. i am very confused as to where i stand on the attractiveness scale and i'm pretty self concious about my looks and it is the cause of much stress and anxiety for me. i feel like i don't have the "cute" boyish looks that lots of guys around my age and younger have and i often get told i can pass for 26. and i also wear glasses and have this kind of "nerdy" look. however, i'm tall and in shape.

i discovered strip clubs back in the fall and ever since then i've been kind of addicted. the first time i went to a club, i was amazed by how much contact the girls made with me. i tried three different clubs and some of the times, i met girls who acted like they had a thing for me. even though they seemed really convincing at times, i kept it in my head that they might just be faking it. until last month when i turned 21 and went to another club, where the age requirement was 21 and up...

when i walked it i went and sat by the stage. in a few seconds, this hot black girl on stage spotted me and came over to me. i asked her what her name was and she told me and then asked for mine and i told her. she then asked for my age and i had her guess.... after she guessed "22, 21, 20?" i told her i was 21. i told her it was my first time there. she then told me i was cute and said she would come sit with me in a little bit after she finishes with another guy. after about 10 minutes, she came and sat with me. we talked for a while and she told me a lot about herself and kept telling me i was cute and that she loved my curly hair. then i don't remember if i asker for a private dance or if she asked me, but we went and she did a private dance for me and at the end of the dance, she goes "touch me real quick"(there is no touching allowed normally). after that it was the end of her shift and she clocked out. but after that she came by and sat with me for a little bit longer and we kept talking. after a little bit, she said "do you have a cell phone?" and she gave me her number even though that's not allowed(i had to do it under tha table). she then told me she would she would be careful texting me because she doesn't know who's around me at any given time and that her family and friends don't know about her stripping so she understands. she told me to just text her a "hi" and that she would know it's me and respond and i did that. than after a while she left. this time i really felt like this girl had a thing for me. before going in, i felt horrible and unattractive and after walking out i honestly felt soooo much better. for once in a long time, i actually felt good about myself.

the next day i got a hi back. i texted her back "watsup?" and then she texted me back "just saying hi cutie". i texted her back thanks. then i texter her my e-mail. that night he e-mailed me just saying "hey i hope you had a good day if not i hope tommorrow is better". i e-mailed her back making small talk and she never e-mailed me back. it was wednsday and she didn't talk to me until saturday... she texted me saying "come see me today if you can". after i got this, i realized she was probably faking all along and it completely destroyed me. i texted her back that i can't and i never got anything from her until like two weeks later when i texter her telling her i'd probably be coming in and she told me when she'll be in. i went back and she was sitting with an older more upscale looking guy. i walked over and said hi and she said she would be there to talk to me in a few minutes. about two minutes after i went and sat down, she got up and came to sit with me. again we talked and talked and she acted like she was really interested in me. i got a dance from her then we talked some more then later got another dance then she left. before she left she said she would text me. she never said anything about why she never texted me. but that was about 3 weeks ago and i haven't heard from her since.

honestly, when i thought she was really into me, it really changed how i felt about myself. i actually thought maybe i was attractive. but when i realized it was fake, it was like being told that you got accepted to a really good college, then being told it was a mistake. can these girls really be that cold? do they really go after the ugly guys whom they know would get no attention in real life and lead them on because they know that they can have more of an effect on them?

lopaw

Too bad you didn't know what to expect when you walked into a stripclub for the first time. It doesn't matter if you are ugly or gorgeous - the dancers are there to make money, and to do that, they will flirt with you and tell you all kinds of things that you want to hear. It's their job. The stripclub is supposed to be a fantasy world. You go in to experience the company of beautiful women. Period. It's not a place to find validation. You have to expect to hear what we affectionately call "stripper shit" - basically the conversation she will have with you to get into your wallet.

To you it's fun.
To her, it's a job.

Be glad you discovered this at 21, not at 35, and wound up $10000 in the hole to a girl that views you as nothing more than a nice customer.

C-bus Hero

it actually wasn't my first time in a strip club. i've been goingsince the fall and i've got to three different strip clubs. in most of my visits, i had girls approach me and often times give me compliments on my appearance. part of me believed them and part of me knew they were just doing it for the money. however, with this one, i wholeheartedly believed she found me physically attractive at first. however, after a while i realized that is probably not the case.

however, one thing i noticed before at strip clubs is that i almost ALWAYS got approached. and it actually seemed like i got more attention at clubs than other guys did. this kiind of confused me, because typically if a girl was after money, she would go sit with an older and more upscale looking guy, not a 20-21 year old college student. i initially thought it was because i might actually be one of the better looking guys.

however, right now, i have another idea. perhaps they come to me rather than the groups of attractive boyish looking guys, because they think i will be more likely to spend more on them since those hotter guys can get girls for free outside the club, whereas they know i am probably going to the strip club to fill in the gap left in my life by my not getting attention from girls and they get this idea because of my looks. if this is the case, then my getting appraoched may be an indication that i am UNattractive. however, it's also possible that it's not because of my looks, but because of the fact that i go to the clubs alone. this explains why i get approached more than the groups of young attractive guys, but still does not explain why i get approached more than the unattractive older men who go alone.

lopaw

Sometimes its hard to figure out why strippers approach some people more than others. If you really want to read up on why they do the things they do, check out stripperweb.com. Go to the forums area and read up. Many dancers post there, and you can learn alot about them.Some of the things they post are quite revealing.

I have no idea what you look like, but it seems like you are being really hard on yourself - remember...we are each our own worst critic. How do you do with women when you go to a regular bar? Or @ school? If you are just looking for someone to stroke your ego and tell you nice things, then a stripclub is perfect for that. As long as you recognize that and accept it, you'll do fine. But it is the absolute WRONG place to look for real validation, since everything in the club is based on fantasy.

Mr. Nice Guy

Short Answer: Yes.

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I like helping people regardless of who it is.

Don Draper

Strippers approach guys who will spend money on them. But mileage may vary.